If only I took things slowly before, maybe I have a different life now or maybe I am still the same old brand new me. If only I learned to stop, think and realize things before I act, maybe I would be prepared before I venture from a single life to a somewhat-married life. If only I have finished my studies earlier before, I would somehow have a stable job now and help my partner provide for the needs of our family. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I would take things slowly and have a bucket of patience.

        Life is not as easy as 1, 2, 3 and not as simple as A, B, C. Life is a road that each of us travel to, it is full of trials and challenges that God has laid upon us, for us to discover and develop our strengths, overcome our weaknesses and find ways to overcome each obstacle, achieve triumph and strengthen our faith towards Him.

        My younger years were not really meaningful so to say. It is simply because I was reared in a family where in at an early age of seven, I was told to clean the house, wax and buff the floor, wash the dishes after each meal, as well as wash my own clothes. They only allowed me to play with my playmates for nearly an hour outside the house or two hours when my friends and I are playing inside the house.  I felt like a prisoner of war, or even a poor servant. I sometimes considered myself as the Cinderella of my time. Home-school-home was my daily routine when I was still studying in high school. Socialization was never an option for me.

         You might be thinking, what is the connection of my growing up years with the theme of my story? As to what I have experienced before, in rearing up a child, the parents should always be attentive and cautious about the needs of their children. Especially the younger years of their child, the parents should pay more attention, be cautious and be a friend to their child because these years are their formative years. I won’t say that I was rejected but somehow I felt neglected. Material things are easy to have but gaining special moments with your child is something that they will treasure and reminisce for the rest of their lives.

        Since I felt neglected, pent up emotions started to build up within me. Sometimes I see myself crying in the middle of the night, asking God why did He gave such life to me only to be a servant of my own family. Until one day came, at the age of 23, I unexpectedly conceived a baby.  My mother was very mad at me because of what had happened. Without their knowing, I felt glad that I got pregnant because I would be able to escape my prisoner’s life from them and starting my own family became my last resort.  But never would I know the trials and hardships that I am about to face in my chosen life.

        If only I learned how to wait for the right time and never rush things just to escape something, my life would have been better. If only I had finished my studies, my children would have a better life. I had my fair share of life, and I get to learn things the hard way. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would only change one thing and that is to finish my studies and wait for the right

timing to start up a family.  But despite of it all, I didn’t regret anything now because it taught me important things in life. First is to set your goals and priorities in life, second is to be attentive and cautious to your child’s needs and support their undertakings, and lastly, to never let your child experience the bad things that you experienced before because they might do the same thing as what you did.

Patience really is a virtue.

 Patience in Love

So many questions that had crossed my mind

But up to now I’m still wondering why,

Maybe I was destined to be alone

Perhaps I could make things just on my own.

Many things to say but couldn't speak out

I feel so afraid and got a bit of doubt,

Afraid that people won’t listen to me

And that they won’t even understand me.

In life I’ve waited for someone to come

Someone who’ll accept me as who I am,

Loving me at all cost and condition

Loving all my flaws and imperfections.

Finding the right one is still hard to do

Mostly when you have nothing to choose too

All I could do is nothing but to wait,

Rather than putting my own self at stake.